apparently, there will be no eulogy - the church does not allow them. Same church as my grandmother where I was allowed to say a eulogy but now there's new clergy so no - they won't allow it. Perhaps I suggested, they should just bury everyone together on the same day since there will be nothing personal about the funerals. I'm pissed.....and of course, there's nothing I can do which does not sit well with a personality like mine.
I started a new sock last night - a nice self striping by Biscotte et cie but nothing is really working for me at the moment. I feel like I can't get comfortable - not watching tv, not knitting, not reading - I'm just so restless.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Friday, February 06, 2009
where am I at? It's Friday morning and Emma just left for school and I am sitting here contemplating. My dear grandfather has pneumonia and it's very likely he won't survive it - I visited him yesterday and today I'm going back with Lisa and my dad. It's hard to even gather my thoughts to write something - on one hand I want him to get well but on the other hand, he's 90, he's been suffering and he needs to be with my grandmother. I was sitting with him yesterday thinking about the man who from my earliest memories smelled like Juicy Fruit gum - he always, always, always had a stick of Juicy Fruit until he got dentures. My grandmother always told me that when I came along he was ready to have more children so he poured all that love and attention on to me. And it's true - he's the man who gave me my first ring - an amethyst birthstone ring, he's the man he took me to my first movie - it was Jungle Book, he's the man who took me to the subway on the day it opened and rode with me up and down, up and down, he's the man who first took me to Center Island, he's the man who introduced me to horses and horse racing, he's the man who told me that it never gets darker than midnight no matter what, he's the man who came and sat with me when I brought my first born home and no one else could come, he's the man that showed up with grandma at every single one of Laura's horse shows - even when he wasn't sure how to get there, he's the man who would let me pretend to each spinach like Popeye the Sailor man and then magically be able to get his ring off his finger, he's the man who still has the stone I got stuck up my nose when I was three, he's the man who ate eggs with his dinner every day of his life, he's the man who made the best toast in the oven, he's the man who made the world's best french fries, he's the man that never called anyone by their right name - hence my mom and aunt were Manetta and Maurella instead of Annetta and Lauretta, he's the man who with grandma were among the first to meet all of my children for the first time, he's the man who started his day with 2 fingers of whisky - he's the man I call Grandpa and what a Grandpa he has been. I want to be the one to say his eulogy - maybe I just wrote it.